Creating healthy boundaries…
One thing about my recovery that I’m learning is gigantic is the need to create boundaries with people. And I have to consider me first, when I don’t do this; it hurts… like physically…. let me see if I can explain, I’m not very good with the explanation and haven’t done it much. but here goes..
Brain reprocessing therapy is about neuropathways and spending the effort and time to create healthy ones and not damaging ones loaded with fear and pain. The fear and pain come from our brains natural tendency to focus on what can hurt us so we stay away from it. When I let others pass my boundaries, pain starts because it is triggering something that is fearful to my primitive brain and that it learned in a split second, or may split seconds added together over time that that thing/behavior/words would lead to something bad for me.
SO it’s a process… When the pain comes, I have to look at why it is coming; what triggered it. Then I can ask if it is a logic conclusion or a misinterpretation in a split second that got me here.
It’s still hard… Cuz that’s an every moment thing. It’s about dealing with me and how I am showing up and having others around me that are willing to do that too. Sure, if I hadn’t woken up to this world my journey may have been different… but is that really a road that’s healthy to walk along for many steps? I wish so many things about the past decade and we are still here today in this shyt hole that hates women and racists run amuck.
I left my volunteering position a few weeks ago. I saw some things I couldn’t ignore nor did I want to be a part of. It got to the point where it was physically painful to interact there and a few of the people I wouldn’t care if I ever saw again. Now figuring out which ones I still want in my life is the hard part cuz I don’t want to lose faith in humans. It sure is hard these days tho… When volunteers tell you if a baby is in your body, you have no choice but to let it grow? Are you kidding me?!?!? slavery and rape and sexism are all allowed these days? Just open attacks at volunteering??? Truly???? Granted… I started the conversation to see if he was as much of an asshole as he seemed to be. Turns out he was much more of an asshole than he seemed to be, cuz it took me 4 times telling him my body, my choice or fuck off before he stopped telling me how much it wasn’t my choice. Real classy dude… Old ass white guy who never had a kid, can’t maintain a relationship with a woman of any substance, and perpetually talked about being alone. Well… no fucking wonder asshole. You think women are pieces of meat there to do your bidding if you can implant your seed in them. So fuck all the way off. I have no time for that disgusting attitude.
And that wasn’t even the only straw. If you look back the past 2 blogs of mine have been about a racist white old bitch who thought she could run over others with her asshole remarks ad never get checked. And then there were the emails about accepting procedures as they are and no questions allowed bullshit. Sorry…. not sorry. fuck off. If you want to go all 1930s Germany Hitler on a nonprofit that should be answering to me (someone who has donated time, money and products) then I don’t have room for spending time there. I get they do good stuff, but if the base of the stuff you do is your undying hatred for others, fuck off.
They won’t even connect the dots of the director parking his nice brand new truck in front of the charity with pro-trump shit on it. He put it there a few months back and shortly after the attendance at the place dropped by almost 50% for anyone not white. They all stopped coming…. No wonder… if you have the advertisement sitting out front that you will deport anyone who is not white and speaking english, what do you think everyone else will do? They stop coming… Why??? Cuz its a scary fucking time in our world and people who put that shit on their vehicles don’t give a fuck if ICE shows up and takes everyone illegally. That asshole just destroyed all my confidence in the charity to do the right thing. Yet, when I attempted to start a conversation about their ICE policy, emails went out about ‘you know what you need to know’ and no questions are allowed. So with all of it piling up, one bad thing after another… I left. Which is very sad because I did have fun there, most of the time.
The overly sad part is I was making a difference by asking the questions and challenging the status quo. For the past 1.5 years I asked why we can’t get food from the kitchen into the market. Participants always are asking for more protein or meals that are prepared. So why not? They throw 100s of pounds of prepared food away a month and nobody ever pushed enough to get them out of that behavior. Until a few months ago, I DID IT!! Yet that will fall away…
The only way we get through the bad and make it not stick is to challenge the status quo, to push back when it seems wrong or not quite right. I am not saying this organization isn’t doing great things. I’m saying as old white people in charge of a charity that is supposed to help people who are NOT them, look outside yourself for a minute, walk in someone else’s shoes, and understand that you need to use your fucking privilege to HELP THEM not yourself. It is your responsibility to ask, to demand, to stand up and say is this the best we can do? My guess, with the state of the world and what I am seeing, most of us are doing the bare minimum to make a difference. We are just coasting waiting for someone else to stand up and do the hard stuff.
I’m here to say…… PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!!! Stand up now!!!! It’s time for the United States to realize YES, slavery is bad, oppression is what we fight against not what we embrace in our communities. Diversity and inclusion is about evolving and making this world better for everyone, not just the white men of this world. wake up, before you get deported cuz you don’t say the right thing, look the right way, or have the right amount of money; cuz it’s coming if you don’t wake up. Fuck, it’s already here…. Do you know we have concentration camps in the USA? Because of the pedophile and convicted rapist people voted for. SO, stand up. Your beliefs are not welcome here, if you think oppression of anyone is acceptable. if so, fuck all the way off.
-Valkyrie
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P.S. I updated this as I realized my first sentence was all wrong.. I really need an editor… or proofreader… fkkkk sorry about that… didn’t mean to say others had to think of me first; meant to say I needed to think of me first and consider how they would impact me. thanks for understanding and apologies for not being more careful with my words, I will work on that. xoxo
