So long… fair well…
Well, it looks like I need to take some time away from the world again. World: 1, Valkyrie – 1. I used the little health and energy I had to attempt to develop a community locally. I went out into the world after 8 years of isolation and although people terrified me and I was just at the beginning of my recovery, I went anyway.
I discovered a lot about myself during this time, I learned how much the world had changed in almost a decade, and I learned about who I was willing to let into my life and who deserved to be told to fuck off.
The greatest lesson I learned was that I need to put myself first and not let others treat me like a doormat so they feel better in their sad little lives. I should have really learned it when I was young. Cux, fuck, my parents didn’t give a shyt about me because I didn’t have dangly bits and that was the most important thing to my dad and apparently my mom too. Although she did a good job of pretending for a few years in my life. But ultimately, it’s become apparent that she cares more about the patriarchy and maintaining the status quo than about me. And for that, she made her fear come true, I hate her.
When I started this journey I was sure we would go places, I was also so sure my health was going to improve and I would keep getting better. Well, life doesn’t work like that. And there are ups and downs and nobody really cares about what is happening with you. They really only care about what impacts their immediate lives. At least the petty and crappy ones that I have met this past year and a half of attempting to build community locally.
These people were disgusting in their racism and treatment of others. And I couldn’t watch it, nor was I able to comprehend how the world I used to love got so gross. And then I got angry, I got very angry at what they said to me, how they treated me and my friends and what they wouldn’t admit to themselves but wanted to share with the world, their separatist/elitist attitude and lack of using their perceived privilege for anything over the bare minimum.
See, I can’t do the bare minimum… I know I have limited time on this earth. I had to stop volunteering because I couldn’t even move my arms to wash off the damn tables in the dining room without massive pain for many days before I could even cut up my dinner. Let alone deal with loading cans onto shelves, cutting food, or much of anything…. You layer in the asshole behavior from people I didn’t really know, like Charles, who kept coming at me about my body having no rights if I was pregnant. Or the next layer of the place I volunteer constantly telling me I was too stupid to know details about how they operate, even though I spent more time with participants than most of them ever had. Or the next layer of the asshole ICE policy they came up with that only helped spread the disgusting fear into our immigrant and most marginalized communities when those same people they swear to want to help the most, they can use all the support they can get for safe places especially to get food. To be in such fear you can’t even leave your house to get necessities like food?!?!??! And not doing anything except the bare minimum to help…. why the fuck would I support that?
And doctor facilities that straight up lie to you to get you to take shots that are not covered by your insurance and then make you pay hundreds of dollars because they can’t properly train their people and that’s my fault?? fuck off.
And the bitch Sue who thinks she can submit false police reports or have someone she knows call and harass me as the local police department when I haven’t seen the bitch since July? She and they can FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF. Pretty sure I have a hate crime being committed against me and I am about to call the feds to see if they have any integrity these days. Although, I doubt it cuz watching the news says the pedophile president is changing everything and the pedophile supporters are letting him. Makes me wonder if all of these politicians and appointees are pedophiles and rapists too…. it wouldn’t surprise me one bit…
Also saw a thing that the internet went crazy cuz trump was implicated in the epstein files as having to helped murder a newborn baby. The same pedophile that bought pageants so he could walk in the back while girls were changing, n yup, he said that shyt long before my accident and that’s why it’s so disgusting he ever made it into office the first time, let alone again to do all of this stuff. What do you think a guy who is maliciously withholding over $9Million in birth control and abortion pills to women, do with an unwanted baby!??!?! well, this asshole goes and throws them in the lake, according to this raw story… not fact checked by me, I’m not the news media. Just having a conversation on MY FUCKING BLOG!!! don’t like it, fuck off. accept the truth isn’t what FOX News tells you and dig a little on your own time. Use your own brain, cuz if you are a damn sheep, you are part of the problem.
The layer of my family being complete racist, homophobic, sexist assholes who have hated me for a very long time and I’m finally realizing how much they hate me and how much I don’t want that in my life.
The layer of sharing your home with several people and finding out they are closet racists, or have little to no compassion for others, or that they don’t give a fuck about anything but themselves and you can’t stand being around them. So much so you leave the community you thought you found in volunteering cuz you don’t want to make a scene in front of people already struggling to get there because the assholes that run the place are so gross they can’t take five minutes to think outside their privileged white asshole man self to help them more than the bare minimum? They don’t care about making a scene. Hell, they think I’m the one being emotional and unhinged because I don’t want to be a fucking doormat to society and the patriarchy anymore. You pull your head at of your ass and have an original thought for once and you will come to the same conclusion. Guess what? It is emotional, that’s what being human is. We all have emotions. TO say you don’t is lieing and what else are you lieing about on such a fundamental level that you can not be trusted. If you tell women they are being emotional, you are attempting to control and belittle them as you are being emotional too. SO fuck all the way off and fucking evolve while you are at it! We can give birth, GET OVER IT!!! Just cuz you only contribute some biological matter for a 2 second moment to make a baby and we can have that grow in us to create a life gives you NO RIGHT TO TRY TO CONTROL IT!! Just cuz you are so fucking jealous you can’t imagine a woman being able to do something you can’t DEAL WITH IT!!! We can grow life, you are only a sperm donor. Now who did YOUR GOD create to be at the top?!?!? If you believe in god ask yourself that. If we can do so much more than men can do then doesn’t it stand to reason we are the ones on the top and it’s just a multi-millennium long conspiracy to make you feel less of the goddess you are? Fuck men, we don’t need them, AND that my friends is why they attempt to control us and suppress how great we are. Look at what the white man did to the native americans. they were ruled by women and they worked with the land in harmony to not take more than they use and use everything they take. They didn’t have children starving, they took care of their people. It wasn’t until the white man arrived it all went to shyt. We forced religion and subjugation on them. Just like we did with black people stripped from their homes and forced into slavery. Trump wasn’t to literally ‘white wash’ history and take that out of our history. We can not forget and keep fighting for equality for all in everything we do. Remember: rainbows and glitter are their kryptonite, USE THEM ALWAYS TO FIGHT OPPRESSION.
With all these layers of my onion, my pain has become too great again and with the addition of no grace given by what I thought were friends I was growing with and forming a community, I have nothing left to give this world right now and must therefore take care of me for a little while.
I do hope to return some day, given my health, this might be the last you ever hear from me. Best wishes out there. Keep fighting for those without your privilege. Never let them take your sparkle, even if you have to guard it with all your might. And know that you are powerful, together and alone, you are a force and a light that this world needs to see when you can let it be seen. Challenge EVERYTHING, fight with all you have when they tell you to be silent and always, always, know things don’t happen with some divine plan, go make out of this life what you want.
