takes time n money

I know… leaving isn’t the best way, but it takes time and money and with all the prices going up for everything, I’m not sure I have the money to spend.

And when you just have bitches come into your life and sap everything you have because you chose poorly on where you volunteered and who you connected with, like the sue, kat’s and carmen’s of the world; I am struggling to have enough energy to find others that are not horrible people.

As I wrote in oldies not goodies, I found the wrong group of people. In my desire to connect, I connected with the undesireable… And when you have a very limited number of spoons, as I have talked about in the past when you have a brain injury, it’s hard to keep going.

I’m thinking of putting the best and my most favorite blog posts on a loop for a few months and see how I am feeling after a bit away from it all. I was signing a lot of petitions and then was overwhelmed by all the emails and all the disgusting things the pedophile trump regime is doing to our country. And how the pedophile supporters are just letting him and it makes me sick. Depression pills are not helping because I am not depressed. I have white hot rage and I woke up to a world that hates me and hates all the good people in it. The ones with color and love and hope in others. The ones that fight hard no matter what and for those without our priviledge to make this world better because that’s what being a citizen of the USA is to me. It’s written on our statue of liberty when I used to believe in the freedom of this country, before my accident when I had a right to my body and nobody could decide for me what I did with it because IT’S MY FUCKING BODY! TO all the Charles’ out there that think you have any right to tell another human they don’t have a right to choose for themselves. That you think you have any opinion in what or how I treat my body, FUCK OFF!!! and all the way to hell you piece of shyt.

See, when I woke up from my injury and started the hardest journey of my life, recovery; I found that one of the biggest things to my recovery was feeling safe, feeling safe in my body, in my space, in my community, in the world. And the hardest fact I have had to face is attempting to feel safe in my body is I AM NOT SAFE. I can’t turn the volume down on my pain because I can not convince myself in todays world that I am safe. I am not safe, others are not safe, for 48 years of my life my body has been mine and now it’s not. At a time when I require that safety from my community and the world I am the least safe I have ever been and I didn’t know I had to fight for that. I didn’t know my rights could be taken away by assholes in government that are pedophiles and rapists who want to control me in the most disgusting ways they can find, because they are so insecure they can’t have something in the world they don’t have control over that they can’t do. Dang I wish men could have babies then the assholes wouldn’t be trying to control my body and my choice to have them or not. See, I’m not defined by my fucking ovaries. I’ve been to school, I know I have a brain and more capabilities than any man on this fucking planet. And that’s the real truth to why they want to control us, they can’t have babies so they think they have a right to decide if I do. Fuck you. and if you use your god as an excuse to try to force your disgusting views on others, fuck you and your god.

So, I woke up to a world where I am not safe. Assholes like the ones running the Our center are not the exception, over the past decade they have become the rule. These homophobic racist assholes think they are doing what their religion wants by helping those less fortunate. What your religion doesn’t tell you is if you aren’t giving it your all to help them, you are part of the problem. Going half ass into a policy like your ICE policy and not fighting for those you claim to help only helps to feed into the fear and insecurity of the world. Fucking shyt, Charles thought he could abuse me while I was volunteering at your facility. That’s because your facility has taught him it’s ok to abuse women and anyone without his asshole white guy privilege. He thought it was ok with his religion to attack a woman recovering from a brain injury in a world where she is not safe in the place where she was supposed to be safe. He used his position and your lack of humanity to attack me. Fuck, you know this, you let Sue do it with her ‘brown family’ term running around longmont saying the acudetox ladies use it so she should be able to as well. And you support her in it. In a place where brown and black people go to get help in their time of need, you let those assholes walk around abusing people and YOU DO NOTHING BUT SUPPORT THE ABUSE!! SO fuck off. If you think spreading that type of abuse is acceptable when you claim to want to help people get through the hard times, you are part of the problem. And you are so disgusting that you can’t see it. And I’ve been dropped into a world that demands it be checked on it’s disgusting behavior with almost no energy to do it.

I wasn’t born to sit around and do nothing. I was born to make it hurt to be a racist, to throw it in your fucking face about how gross you are in your homophobia.

That’s the kid my mom ‘special ordered’ from her fucking god. Did your god do it to you too? To make sure you knew how gross you were. your god put me in your path to show you that if rainbows and glitter are you fucking kryptonite; you belong in hell. The commandment shouldn’t be don’t covet your neighbor’s wife, it should read stop coveting your neighbor’s naughty bits you fucking asshole.