If this is your first time here, you will not know that I was in an accident in 2015 and only recently started my recovery and being part of the world again. Before my brain injury, I had just been released from the doctor for shattering my ankle in 2013. It was a very long road to recovery, and I am in great shape and really excited to snowboard again the next season. Then my world was shattered…read more here
After almost a decade of near no activity, I have been doing a lot in the world these days and many days make over 10k steps. However, this is not consistent for me yet. There is a heavy cost for me to attend a protest. And I really don’t think many understand how important it is to attend them now. So let me share with you what is needed when I protest and it may help you decide if you are physically or mentally capable to making it to a protest too. Please don’t misunderstand my intent, I do not share this to impress you, but to impress upon you how important it is to just show up right now…
This month has been especially difficult for me due to all the activities presented. It is PRIDE month. A great month that is full of rainbows and love and laughter and sparkles!!! It truly might be one of my favorite months. I’m a sparkle girl in a grey world. And I won’t stop. When I was growing up I was told that if you expressed yourself and showed individuality I would be either shot or raped or both… So I was assimilated, although I fought it; hindsight being what it is, I can see now my small acts of rebellion that eventually helped me break free. I didn’t fully embrace my authentic self until recovery from my accident. It was 9 years of covid lockdown, I only left the house to go to the doctor. My hubby did everything, and I was a zombie living in my bedroom with the windows blacked out so it was dark and quiet in my world. The chronic migraines and intense amounts of pain kept everything and everyone away, I couldn’t watch the news or participate in the world.
I started my recovery a little over a year ago, so I am walking more and getting used to crowds and people and interacting, it’s incredibly hard. I use my cane at events still, it gives me a sense of security and helps me walk longer and farther. I don’t have a handicapped plate although I have asked my doctor to renew mine. I would rather walk less so I can participate in life more, so I am hoping that will work. Then I will be able to stay at events longer and be in the world with my friends.
People with brain injuries take a long time to recover stamina, at least I do. I am fighting a few things to get my stamina back, one is I was in lockdown for 9 years, the world was in lockdown for a few months… ? As a healthy person, did you notice your stamina was shot? and it took some time to recover it, right? Now, here is one of my favorite movie quotes…. Multpiply that by infinity, take it to the depths of forever and you will still barely have a glimpse of what I’m talking about…. I self isolated for 9 years… And I have a brain injury… DUring that timme I moved little, it all hurt and the world was attacking me. And I only have so many spoons to give. If you don’t know about spoons, I will write about them later… I will sum it up here and for example say I have 10 spoons that regenerate after a week; healthy people have 100 spoons that regenerate after short breaks and a little rest on a daily basis.
This month I have been active in supporting pride locally by dressing up in rainbows when I volunteer, decorating my volunteer area, going to pride and attending the no kings march as well as a volunteer appreciation party at the center where I volunteer. and it’s only the 16th of the month…. I’m wiped… I have been in and out of sleep all Saturday after the protest and Sunday. Every friday I deal with left overs in the kitchen and attempt to at least bag all the meat so it is not thrown in the compost. it already takes me a day to recover from my volunteer shifts. And that’s a safe place that is inside and very comfortable for me. pride and protests are not that environment. Even the volunteer appreciation dinner overcooked me…. And I had it sandwiched in-between two volunteering days.
Today I do not volunteer. I am having friends over tomorrow, we are going to all get our nails done and chat and just hang out. Between the appreciation dinner and the protests and pride; I’m so exhausted I just want to stay in bed for a month… I won’t get my spoons back for a few weeks… So everyone will be asking me if I am ok, or telling me I look like crap…. Gosh, people just think you can do that stuff all the time… I can’t… This is a month of firsts for me. The dinner was a first for me since recovery and being terrified of people… Pride is the first time I dressed up for it and went with a group and saw people I knew!!! It was such an awesome experience. And a first for me. And then the protests… These are firsts for me.. I did not stay at the protest for more than an hour and I sat on a bench in the shade and people watched and smiled that I was not alone in my outrage at what is happening in america right now. And then I walked the 4 blocks back to my car, barely got home and passed out off n on for rest of weekend.
So, if you think you don’t have what it takes to show up at the protest, read that all again. I can almost guarantee that no matter what you are dealing with, ptsd, terrified of people, can’t walk far, tolerance for large groups… It’s all noting compared to losing our country to the racist(and all other bad words) people currently in power.. I am not free in today’s america, and if I’m not free, you most likely are not either. So let’s stop lying about that and work to change it…
-Valkyrie
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